We’re doing a lot of gear minding, repairing, and cleaning these days. Which reminded of this wonderful collection of absurd, courageous, and frankly hilarious warranty claims the folks from REI shared with us. Enjoy. – Ed.
A few years back, REI amended its famously generous return policy and now only accepts returns on purchases up to a year old—no doubt to the dismay of opportunistic folks who took advantage of it and returned items like core-shot climbing ropes and 30-year-old ski jackets. In September, the Wall Street Journal reported the change, drawing a fairly predictable spectrum of online comments and a handful of stories of ethically questionable customer behavior.
Other publications might weigh in on what the move says about our societal values, or opine on a change in behavior since REI’s beginnings as a co-op in Seattle, or report on what REI’s change in policy means for the outdoor industry as a whole.
We just wanted to hear some stories about ridiculous things customers told warranty departments, or customer service staff at retailers. So we asked. Here’s what we heard from a few folks on the receiving end of those warranty claims.
1. “This shirt and backpack ripped when I was stabbed.”
2. “The bus exploded.”
A customer called and the first thing he said was, “Luckily we were all off the bus when it exploded.” He had been in Central America with his girlfriend and their packs got blown up in the bus. He still had pieces of the melted fabric and shipped them to us in a box that had the word “CAUTION” written on the side of it. We confirmed he in fact had our packs and sent him two replacements.
3. “I have Fleece Model X and it doesn’t fit me very well, and the third time I wore it, I was sitting by a campfire and a stray ember burned a fist-sized hole in it. I would like a refund.”
4. “These river sandals aren’t sexy enough.”
“Well, you see, my tent was in my car, and, uh…” Photo: CC
5. “These boots are leaking.”
Someone called our customer service to complain that our mountaineering boot designed for 8,000-meter expeditions and severely cold temps, were “leaking” and they wanted a refund. Upon further investigation, the person was using them for hiking in Virginia. We were like, “They’re not leaking, you’re sweating.”
6. “EMTs cut my jacket.”
A guy had an accident while wearing our top-of-the-line rain shell. EMTs cut up the sleeve, over the shoulder and through the collar to get an IV started. After recuperation, he returned the coat and we replaced it.
7. “These don’t fit my kid anymore.”
“The only return we ever refused was a lady trying to return a pair of shoes because her son had outgrown them. We told her the problem wasn’t the shoes, it was her kid, and we didn’t take returns on humans.”
8. “I don’t know what happened.”
“People have this idea that if they didn’t see it happen, or if they don’t know how it happened, it’s okay to return it. Sunglasses with scratched lenses, tents and sleeping bags with holes from burns, anything.”
9. “This snowboard is too slow on the catwalk.”
10. “A bear slashed my tent.”
“This is a pretty common one. Thankfully, people are never in the tent when it happens. I’m not sure why people think that’s a product defect- no tent is bearproof. Cars aren’t even bearproof. Haven’t you seen those videos?”
11. “I bought this basketball at REI.”
12. “This tent failed me.”
“A guy bought a tent from us and said he set it up on a ledge. A windstorm came in and blew him, and his tent, off the ledge, he says. When he landed, he was so tangled up he had to cut himself out of the tent. He brought it into the store and said, ‘This tent failed me.'”
13. “I need to exchange this roof rack because I bought a different car and this rack doesn’t fit the new one.”
14. “The zipper was stuck, so I had to cut the jacket to get out.”
Guy comes into the store with a jacket and says, “I’d like to return this jacket. The zipper doesn’t work.”
“Okay,” I say, “let’s take a look.” He sheepishly hands the jacket over to me. I notice right away that it’s a Gore-Tex jacket and the culprit is likely a newbie with a waterproof zipper, so I grab the jacket and look to turn the front around when I notice the zipper is zipped together. The fabric had been cut the entire length of the jacket just right of the zipper.
So naturally I ask, “Um, sir what happened here?”
“The zipper was stuck.”
“Well, sir how come you cut the jacket?”
“Because the zipper was broken!”
Turns out he got nervous about not being able to get the jacket off – “claustrophobic,” he says, and in a panic he cut the jacket off.
I look at him, look at the jacket, then proceed to unzip the zipper from top to bottom.
He shrugs and I give him a brand-new jacket.
15. “I dried these boots by the fire and the soles melted.”
16. “These have a lifetime warranty.”
I had a guy send in some gaiters that were 11 years old – this was back when we had a code on each pair that said what year they were manufactured. He had climbed Rainier in them seven or eight times, and had crampon slices all over them. He kept repeating that they had a “lifetime warranty,” and I kept telling him that they were just worn-out, that they had reached the end of their lifespan as a product. He kept saying he wanted a brand-new replacement pair, and I told him I could cut him a deal and give him 50 percent off a new pair.
He kept arguing with me, and I finally said, “These are 11 years old. People’s pets don’t last this long.” He got really silent.
He quietly said, “I’ll take you up on that deal.”
“Intended use? Yeah, I think so.” Photo: Wikipedia
17. “This does not fit my muffin top.”
“I’m too damn fat to wear the new harnesses made out of these thin fabrics, I got a muffin top like J Lo and love the way the old Harness X fits my curves. P.S. I am just a man who knows which harness makes his ass look the best on a 5.2 death slab. Word.”
18. “The illustrations are not clear. I can’t tell if the wiener goes just through the loop or through the loop and the waist belt loop. Please send a picture of a more clear diagram.”
19. “I do not like being lied to.”
“Let me first say I do not like being lied to. I was told how safe and durable these headlamps were. I got in the river here – nothing too high, the water barely came over my ankle area. The salesman said how easy it was to walk with this on my head and that I could walk into the ocean and river banks with complete safety; the light would never go out or move. Neither of these claims are true and even worse happened, I slipped on the river banks, slammed my knee, lost my fishing pole and then to add insult to injury, I was left to my friends’ ridicule laughing at me for losing my stuff in the river including that damn light. I will not recommend your gear to anyone else. Thanks for the bruises and the humiliation. I won’t depend on your products again. This was a gift I wish I had never received.”
By the way, we have a semi-updated list, well, very updated if you include the comments, of brands with lifetime guarantees, here.
Those with an overblown sense of entitlement always ruin it for everyone else.
Those with an overblown sense of entitlement always ruin it for everyone else.
Worked in bike shops for 15 years. “JRA” the most common cause of bicyle failure. LoL
Worked in bike shops for 15 years. “JRA” the most common cause of bicyle failure. LoL
When I worked outdoor retail customer service one of the more memorable return questions came from a guy that just came back from Vietnam. He said that he wanted to return his backpack because rats had chewed dozens of holes in it. I said that the backpack didn’t list “rat proof” as one of the features.
Scott, YES!
Worked in a convenient store when I was in college. Car pulls up out front, a 12ish year old kid gets out with a half gallon of milk that was half empty. He told me his dad wants to return it because they were going on vacation. I said no way. Kid walks out, dad comes in (an angry little Turk) starts giving me hell and told me that it was rotton. I told him that the kid already spilled the beans. After a heated exchange of insults and threats, I refunded him in pennies.
Very funny stuff. Nice to know REI stands behind their products. One-year limit is still impressive.
LL Bean FTW.
LL Bean’s warranty is also one year.
REI only had themselves to blame for pushing the benefits of “Satisfaction 100% guaranteed” memberships hard on every sale. Still a shame to hear these stories.
Simply the lack of personal responsibility. It seems table ketchup outlasts many peoples morals.
I work for a transportation company and when reviewing a case, the customer was demanding a mishandling damage claim on us because we:
1) Left a package at the front door of a residence (as directed by the major outdoor outfitter).
2) The recipients dog later discovered the shipment, tore open the box and dragged the sweater around the yard chewing on it while driving it into the dirt hence destroying it.
WTF? Why appease a customer like that? Does any company really want repeat business from such a douche bag? I’d say burn in hell and go to the competition.
We were shooting photos for Body Glove at Mike Wiegele Heliskiing in 1992 and unfortunately the heli crashed and burned. 3 friends died and the rest got out.
When Body Glove sent us the clothes the asked for feedback on how we liked the clothes and if we had any input that would make the clothes better.
After everyone was out of the hospital we thought it would be funny to send the burnt and shredded clothing back with a note “Please make more fireproof.” Still waiting for a call back and still laughing.
Great story. And you’re right, someone should do a business story on it, but it would also be cool to compile a bunch of warranty success stories. I was just out at the Mountain Hardwear headquarters, and they have an amazing library of fabrics and in-house sewers to help mountaineers get back on the slopes fully functional and looking good as quickly as possible.
It’s only a year for satisfaction. If your item has a manufacturing defect in its materials or workmanship, you can return it at any time. Wear and tear isn’t covered by that. I repeat this multiple times a day to worried co-op members.
“These don’t fit my kid anymore.”
My favorite REI return story: “I lost my sunglasses. Can I get a refund?” Um, no.
Shenanigans on 13
My thule racks have lived on a saab 900 (what they are designed to fit) a ford escort, a GMC sierra crew cab (early 90s) a honda civic, and a ford focus. Jury rigging is glorious
I worked at Eastern Mountain Sports years ago. They had 100% satisfaction guaranteed.
One time a customer brought in a fleece sweater because he was lighting a cigarette and it fell and burned his sweater while he was driving.
And one more. A guy came in with a watch that was destroyed. It fell of his wrist and he ran over it with the lawn mower. I gave him his money back.
Thanks for the memories.
Doan.
No doubt a lot of REI returns are bogus which unfortunately drives prices up for the rest of us. That being said I sure do appreciate the deals at the REI garage sales.
Several yrs ago I dropped my iPhone 3s because I missed my pocket. Needless to say, glass shatters. I was going to buy a refurb on line (I think the 5 was out by then) but a friend advised me to take it to the local Apple store. Met with the ‘genius’, told her I dropped it and ‘what are my options’. She took it in the back to see if she could put a new screen on. Came back out about 15 mins later with a brand new 5s and said there was ‘too much glass dust in the phone’ to just replace the screen’. She gave me the new one for being honest and with a promise to put it in a protective case. I bought a case.
You guys, thank you so much for this. As a former retail employee at a company with a VERY generous return policy (the Guch, as we fondly called it back then), a former mountain bum and a current outdoor industry designer I really needed this today. I am wiping away tears of laughter as I have lived experience with many of these scenarios, either in person or written in the reviews of products I have worked on.