Steelhead, Love, and Other Mysteries

Fly fishing for steelhead is an act of faith, a practice entirely dependent upon belief in the existence of an unseen force responding to your prayers. Most other forms of fly fishing are visual—you cast a dry fly to a rising trout, place a shrimp imitation in the path of a cruising bonefish, toss a baitfish pattern into the frothing whitewater of blitzing stripers. But steelhead fishing is different. There is no proof, no empirical evidence, that somewhere beneath the river’s surface, there are fish present. You are left, then, to perform a kind of liturgy, a ritual of cast, mend, step, and swing, and hope that your devotion will be enough.

We agreed to part ways a month ago. After a lengthy period of intense long-distance dating, fishing and adventures, and the past seven months of more intense but good day-to-day life, we’re calling it quits. Danielle’s clock is ticking too loudly to ignore any longer, and after countless deep and sometimes