Nearing the summit of Everest without supplemental oxygen on the north side, Tibet, 2016. Photo by Tyler Reid
Knocking on Heaven’s Door
To become a mountain god, she had to pass the tests of men
Mount Rainier, Washington, 2004
The rain drizzled persistently on the metal roof, creating a steady and subtle soundtrack to my anxiety. The crowd of people surrounding me, mostly men, were all here for the same reason I was: We were all wannabe guides, lined up for the group tryouts on Mount Rainier. I made sure to keep my face relaxed and soft, not making eye contact with anyone for fear that they might decide that I didn’t belong. I stood a little straighter, hoping to create the illusion of a bigger person. What did these sixty people know? How much better and more experienced than me were they? My eyes strained to see through their crunchy new Patagonia jackets and facial stubble.
I had intentionally avoided scenarios like this for most of my life. I was a fast learner but bad at receiving criticism, especially in front of others, which reminded me of being reprimanded by my mother. But I wanted this. More than that,
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