A ‘Slab of Misery On Wheels’ Campervan For Sale on eBay Is Wonderful Ad

The van has sold, so at least the seller has had that positive outcome from what was clearly an otherwise quite shitty life experience. It’s an old beat-up RV purchased on a whim while in a relationship that no longer exists and it made for one hell of a terrific eBay ad. The full description is below.

Well, well, well. Where do I start with this?

Up for sale is my 1984 Bedford CF camper van. A perfect restoration candidate for another coerced partner, or sadist.

I never wanted a campervan, my now ex girlfriend did. So we comprised and purchased a camper, without ever laying eyes on it first might I add. It was intended to be a “joint” project which in reality turned into her standing round for half a day complaining about the shed we’d brought, and the remainder of the time on my back about how long it was taking to transform it into her “perfect tranquil cabin on wheels”. Yikes.

Fast forward a few months and she decided to up and leave (probably for a man with a much more impressive motorhome than mine) leaving only behind this sad slab of misery on wheels. Apart from being an eyesore and driving down local property prices, it serves as a personal reminder that the last few years of my life have truly and utterly been a waste.

As you can probably tell by this point I’m eager to get this thing off of my drive and draw a line under this turbulent chapter. So without further ado here’s a little more about the van.

The Good:

-It’s rock solid underneath.
-The wooded frame of the living area has been totally rebuilt, as it had signs of rot from previous leaking.
-It’s been sealed and doesn’t leak anymore.
-It’s been fully insulated with a moisture barrier too.
-The brakes worked well (I can’t vouch for this now but I can’t see any reason why they wouldn’t be.
-It comes with everything you need to make this your own “perfect tranquil cabin on wheels” (eugh, that description will haunt me eternally) This includes loads of wiring tackle, 240v hook up, battery charger, circuit boards, isolator switches, fuseboxes and a whole load of other crap. Bathroom fixtures and fittings including the worlds most expensive bog, taps, shower and shower tray, 2 water tanks (one for clean water and one for waste), water pump, water filter, cladding to finish off the bathroom wall and some form of water heater/boiler. It comes with cooker with hobs and a fridge, although I’m unsure if these work as they came with the van and I haven’t ever got around to testing them, although I can’t see why they wouldn’t work.
-All in all everything you need to complete the van is there.

The Bad:

-It’s unfinished.
-Theres some bubbling to one of the wings, I can’t remember which side and it’s too cold to go out and check.
-It doesn’t run anymore, I stole the coil and leads to fix something else that I actually cared about, replace these and I see no reason why it won’t fire straight back up.
-It needs body work and paint, it has previously been brush painted and has an incomplete repair on the rear but believe me the brush painting is probably the least of your concerns.
-It’s profoundly ugly.
-It taunts me daily of my past failures and lost love.

The Ugly:

-See above.

If you’ve made it this far you are probably mentally unwell or still being forced into making a perfect love den for those romantic weekend getaways, either way I applaud the dedication. If you do decide to bid on it and God forbid you actually win, you will have to get it transported or collect it yourself as I have neither the time, the means or the will to deliver it for you. I will do my best to answer any serious queries, but if you ask me about the flow rate of the shower for example; I probably won’t. Its not perfect (far from it) nor road ready so don’t expect it to be and you won’t be disappointed, it’s a cheap project and a good way to break into the world of motorhome owning. I’m just trying to get a little money back so I can go on a heavy night of drinking, perhaps visit a lady of the night depending on how well the auction goes and then close this awful chapter of my life.

Happy bidding and good luck (God knows you’re gonna need it)

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