“You can dominate the landscape and neutralize the elements,” promises this ad for the all-new, ultimate fake backpack, the Archwood Flextrex 37Trillion, with Ridgitek Handstrut Stabilizing Stiffener Rod and Nitro Hyper-flex Enforcement construction. “Once upon a time you wore a pack that you thought was good enough. That was once upon a time. Today is now.” This is as close to the finest satire of outdoor industry design and marketing as were likely to get. To see the outdoor’s ultimate enthusiast, Steve Climber, backpacking in only some sort of diaper and the Flextrex 37Trillion is hysterical. A few more “innovates” and “proprietary,” and it may have hit a little too close to home. Big props!

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