Although it has not been reported in the press until now, a Domino’s delivery man from Oakhurst, California, finished Yosemite’s Dawn Wall just six minutes after Tommy Caldwell and Kevin Jorgeson’s historic first free ascent.
“Sorry the pizza’s cold, guys,” said the man, “but pitch 15 was a bear.”
Caldwell fumbled for cash to tip the guy, but could only come up with a near-empty chalkbag and slightly used tube of Superglue.
“It’s okay, bro,” said the Domino’s worker, who would only identify himself as ‘Adam.’ “Just doin’ my job.”
The Adventurey Report is almost certainly not true.