You started using Strava because it was a convenient way to keep track of your training rides. Now, it’s become a bit more than that, hasn’t it? You’re a little more emotionally involved than you thought you would be. Maybe a lot more. Maybe you can’t believe the number of bruises your ego has taken over the months, or you find yourself having malicious, even murderous thoughts about other cyclists, whom you don’t know by name but who have recently displaced you as King of the Mountain on a certain climb or segment.
Wait, that’s not you-you’ve never thought about physically harming someone just because they rode their bike faster than you on a section of trail, or up a hill. A smartphone app has not turned you into a sociopath in the least. You don’t have a problem. Or do you? Read on.
1. You believe it’s perfectly acceptable to play chicken with someone on a trail at high speed as long as you yell “Strava!” with ample time.
2. You think your spouse is not supportive enough of your efforts to reach #10 out of 200 for a segment.
3. Everyone you compete against is a person you’ve never met in real life.
4. You would rather ride by yourself than take the chance that a friend riding with you will slow you down.
5. You have ridden the same segment more than six times in one week.
6. You cheat.
7. You’d rather be KOM than have sex.
8. You have created one or more contrived segments just so you could hold the KOM for a little while.
9. You have ended a segment in your own driveway so you could hold the KOM for a little while.
10. You have ended a segment in someone else’s driveway so you could take their KOM.
11. Your Strava account link is in your Facebook/Twitter profile.
12. You checked Strava before reading to the end of this list.
13. You have considered using your car to get a KOM.
14. You have used your car to get a KOM. Even just a little.
15. You have Googled “how to cheat at Strava.”
16. You have considered doping, even though you don’t enter races.
17. When someone suggests that you might be obsessed with Strava, you deny it. Vehemently. And shout that you don’t have a problem, THEY’RE the one with the problem, dammit. And then you go ride. A segment. For the seventh time this week.