that guy 660

If you’re lucky, you’ll meet some unforgettable people in life. If you’re unlucky, you’ll meet other unforgettable people. There are guys you meet on the trail, in the climbing gym, at the crag, and afterward, you talk to your friends and say, “how about That Guy?” and you all cringe. That Guy, like The Guy We Just Wanted To Get Away From. There are several guys like that. Don’t be That Guy.

1. The Guy At REI Who Doesn’t Work There But Wants To Help
“Are you buying that backpack/those boots/those wheels? Oh no no no. You don’t want that. The torsion flex algorithm is all wrong for your body type/skiing style/femur length. I don’t work here, I just know a lot about gear, and I saw you standing here with your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner and you looked like you could use some help.”

2. The One Upper
“Yeah, that hike up the cables on Half Dome is rad, isn’t it? Running up those sometimes remind me of the times I spent climbing El Cap.”

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3. The Know-It-All Hiker
“Where are you guys headed? Oh yeah, sounds good, but you should probably think about the chance of thunderstorms this afternoon. Also, I’ve heard reports of some snow on the trail up higher. Do you have microspikes? I also see you’re not wearing a sun hat or zip-off pants.”

4. The Loud Camper
*car door slam at 11:30 p.m.*

*car door slam*

*car door slam*

*car door slam*

*snapping of small branches for kindling*

*”pssshhht” of beer opening*

*pssshhht*

*pssshhht*

*pssshhht*

“Oppan Gangnam Style”

5. The “Partner” Finder
“You ladies climb at this gym often? Me too. I started coming here a lot after my girlfriend and I broke up, and climbing helped me deal with it. I notice neither of you are wearing wedding rings.”

6. The Sprayer
“Hey, can you let me know when you’re off that 12d? I need something to warm up on before I get on my project.”

7. The Roadie Who Won’t Let You Pass Him On Your Ride Home From Work
*power shifts exactly when he hears you say “on your left”*

8. The Strava-Tunnel Vision Puppy Kicker
“Out of the way, chumps! You too, toddlers – I’m on my way to KOM!”

9. (Colorado only) The Guy Who Wants To Let You Know How Many 14ers He’s Hiked
“Yeah, I’d love to go to that party with you, but I’m getting up at 3 a.m. on Saturday to bag a couple more 14ers. Already ticked off six this summer.”

10. The Name Dropper
“Yeah, I talked to Honnold at Camp 4 last week, and he said he and Tommy – you know, Tommy Caldwell – don’t have anything planned for right now, because Tommy and Kevin are working hard on their other project. But, you know those guys, always up to something.”

11. The Guy Who Wants You To Know He’s Been Everywhere
“It’s so hard to find decent mate online.”

Photo by Shutterstock.com


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