The List: 7 Great Ways to Poop Outdoors

by brendan leonard on January 24, 2012 · 19 comments

19 responses

There’s pretty much one way to poop indoors: In a toilet. No real room for creativity. Or at least functional creativity. Outdoors, though, the world is your canvas. Dig a Leave No Trace six-inch hole and make yourself comfortable. Here are seven different strategies, of which we can recommend five. Actually, just four.

1. The Squat
The original outdoor stance. Just like it sounds. Dig a hole, put your butt close to the ground, and make the magic happen.

2. The Tripod
Sometimes more comfortable than the plain old Squat, this is when you dig a hole, squat over it, and place a hand behind you for stability. It’s definitely a more active position and probably safer if you have any reservations about your, um, solid waste getting on your shoes or hiking boots – the Tripod puts your bum farther south of those north-facing feet.

3. The Tree Hug
If the roots cooperate, you can dig a hole close enough to a tree, and if the tree’s not too big around you can wrap your hands or arms around the trunk for support as you squat over the hole and rock it out.

4. The Natural Toilet
Sometimes you can get lucky and find a fallen log or a large, well-placed boulder to hang your butt off as you poop over the edge. This is an advanced technique, and as scouting an appropriate prop can take time, not to be attempted when you’re in a hurry.

5. The Lean-Poo
Much like the National Toilet, except you press your back against rock or tree, which takes some of the weight off and allows more clearance. Two precautions, both heading off the same tragic result: Make sure your heels aren’t dug into loose, slippery soil, and confirm that the tree or rock won’t fall or roll under your weight.

6. The Sometimes When We Touch
I don’t actually know anyone who’s pulled this off, but we used to demonstrate it at the beginning of trips I helped lead for first-time teenager backpackers. Get a partner, face them, grasp their hands in your hands (or their wrists in your hands), and place your feet opposite theirs. Squat back simultaneously, evacuating into perfectly-placed six-inch deep holes in concert as birds sing, butterflies dance in the air around you, and Julie Andrews sings off in the distance. Might be too intimate for many.

7. The Clench
This is like all the other pooping stances, except you don’t actually take a poop. You just tough it out for two, three, sometimes five days, because you are deathly afraid of shitting in the woods. I had a teenager do this for five days on a backpacking trip in the Wallowa Mountains once. By Day Five, he was cranky and far more excited than a person should be by the sight of a pit toilet once we finally got back to the trailhead. He went in, came back out, and said, “I don’t think that was all of it.” I said, “There’s no way that was all of it. That was like the cork on a bottle of champagne, buddy. The rest is coming sometime today. ”

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Nick Behr January 24, 2012 at 08:57

I go for #5 almost 100% of the time; by far the quickest, easiest and most relaxing. I know a guy who is a natural clincher but have never heard of “The Sometimes When We Touch”. An additional word of warning on the Lean-Poo (and probably other options) is to check the grade of the land in case everything doesn’t land on target.

Andy January 24, 2012 at 09:06

I personally prefer the tree-assisted dynamic bomber, wherein the pooer pops a solid squat and one hand holds an overhanging branch. This affords both stability and cover, and can help you to stay in place if on skis sans skins. I also love the winter version due to handmade nurled snow TP.

Kelly January 24, 2012 at 09:22

Best. Post. Ever. Lots of poop in my life!

Murph January 24, 2012 at 09:27

8. Faith Dump/Trust Fall

This is an extension of #6 and can be used to throw in extra style points. The expectant hiker finds the largest drop in the area and makes his perch atop this feature. With the help of one (or many), the adventurer locks wrists with the support crew, leans back over the drop until free fall is assured, and then unloads his cargo. The tricky part of this is being able to concentrate with so much stimulus. I’ve got some quality photos from a week-long trip in the Alaska wilderness. Who knows could be the new “planking.”

steve casimiro January 24, 2012 at 09:54

Wow.

Brendan Leonard January 24, 2012 at 11:25

Murph: We are bros.

Murph January 24, 2012 at 13:34

Brendan: Sounds good to me. I’d appreciate a follow up post on winter techniques. The ski-assisted squat works pretty well, but after you get caught riding through trees switch with your pants down a few times, you start to rethink things. Especially when your TP (and dignity) was left uphill with your backpack.

Sir Lee January 24, 2012 at 13:34

A variant on #8 involved some bomber handholds as I dropped a duece over the north face of New York Mountain in the Holy Cross Wilderness. Steepeness and favorable winds resulted in a 600 foot free fall.

Rich January 24, 2012 at 13:53

At one point in my life, we would dig a cat hole near a tree, climb said tree, and let’er rip. After pooping was done, we scored points horseshoe style.

Tim January 24, 2012 at 14:08

You forgot an additional basic venue–government gates. According to a firefighter I know, folks will back their trucks up to a gate, stand on the tailgate and dump into the housing that protects the padlock.

Madeleine Carey January 24, 2012 at 16:19

I have successfully pulled off number 6. It is also known as simulshitting.

MoneyforCollegePro January 27, 2012 at 06:41

HAHAH. No 7 makes me laugh. I too have had high schoolers on backpacking trip as a camp counselor and they employed this exact same action and reaction. Hilarious to watch!

KeepitNatural February 4, 2012 at 07:47

I’m somewhat alarmed at the apparent gleeful disregard of “leave no trace” in some of these comments. I hope you don’t happen to be the one hiking UNDER the cliff when someone tries your freefall method.

lena February 6, 2012 at 22:05

I prefer #1. It is quickly performed and as privacy also is an issue even outside this approach gives less time for others to show up. Yes, I know that “everybody does”, but I hate to be seen sitting there even though I know it is among the unavoidable and most natural matters. “Leave no trace” is ok, but I think that slogan should be extended to “let it be unseen”. I think it is far too common to walk in on others squatting without hiding well, leaving both in ambarrassment.

Rob February 7, 2012 at 09:13

Exceptional article! #3 however would require removal of at least one pant leg, and thus is far inferior to the good ole lean-poo. As for the tripod – try throwing one leg out for some extra balance and clearance – we called this “the disco dump” at NOLS Alaska.

I’d love to see a follow-up on a subject we’ve oft debated on our trips – preferred wiping materials. Personally my vote is on river rocks – nice and smooth and far safer than the bent grass or snow paw.

steve casimiro February 7, 2012 at 09:30

The snow paw is high risk, low reward…

David Snipes February 9, 2012 at 18:03

There is another one that you forgot. I have no idea what the name of it is but I know for a fact that it happened as it was late into a 100 mile race a couple years ago and know the women who did it. A friend of mine saw it and thought he was hallucinating. Here is what happened:
The two women stood back to back and squatted down at the same time and did their business. They did not poop but only urinated. I will leave it up to everyone to come up with a fitting name and when you do, please email it to me at shadysniper23116@aol.com

Jules Smith April 16, 2012 at 15:33

You forgot the Windsurfer. Reach up and hang off an overhanging branch, put your feet up on the trunk, and voila!

Shepherd April 17, 2012 at 09:42

I grab the branch from a good healthy bush, place my feet forward, lean back, assuring maximun clearence to avoid my pant, shoes, etc., and let ‘er rip! The importent part is making sure that the branch will hold your weight and that you are ballanced for the post rapture clean-up.

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